Into the woods
by Ulathon
Summary: The O'Reilly Gang has found a map that leads to a hidden treasure in the woods. However, the treasure is guarded by Numbuh Thirteen. What happens when an unfortunate force meets a disaster-prone object? Read and find out. Oh, and there are some romantic moments as well. Third part of The O'Reilly Gang Series.
1. Chapter 1

~Chapter 1~

The burning SCAMPER came screaming out of the Antarctican sky, the light from its dying engines coloring the rocky snowfield under it red as blood. It hit the ground at an angle and plowed a 50 yard furrow in the ice, hurling debris in all directions before coming to a halt.

A short moment everything was quiet.

Then came an angry Irish bellow, followed by a painful-sounding "THUMP"!

XXX

"Yipper cards, guys. Three thousand rare, unmarked, never-played Yipper Cards, that no one will miss, just there for the taking."

Egbert O'Reilly smiled at the stunned faces of Barry and Kyle in the golden light that filtered through the dirty windows in the gang's lair.

"Holy cow. Just lying around in the woods at Camp Gribwald?"

"Precisely. Here, look at this."

Egbert took off his blue baseball cap and pulled out the folded paper he had kept hidden there during detention and flattened it between the soda bottles on the table.

"You know what this is?"

"It looks like … a floor plan?"

"That's right, Kyle. But not any floor plan. This is the floor plan of the old, abandoned treehouse of Sector M in the forest around Camp Gribwald. You see that room, marked with an X?"

"Yeah."

"Just before the treehouse was abandoned, Sector M busted an illegal Yipper card ring. They put the confiscated cards in that room – and then forgot about them. Nobody has picked them up. I thought that might be a nice little side trip, when we are going to Camp Gribwald tomorrow. "

"Holy cow!" Barry started to laugh. "Three thousand Yipper cards. Do you KNOW how much the nerd clans will pay for three thousand Yipper cards!? We'll be SWIMMING in candy. You're BRILLIANT, Eggy."

"And … you're sure the map is real, Eggy?"

Egbert's smile disappeared, and Kyle shrunk back a bit, but persisted.

"I mean … three thousand Yipper cards? Why would they just leave them like that. It doesn't make sense?"

"Puh - lease, Kyle. Jim McDonald snatched this map from his brother's room. I bought it from him in detention. It cost me FIVE Jawbreakers, you know."

"Yeah," Barry said, "Jim's brother is a KND operative – that's legit. Come on, Kyle, Eggy don't buy fake maps. He's BRILLIANT, remember?"

"Well … all right, then."

"Good," Egbert said, a bit brusquely. "Now, let's get packing. We'll need some tools to get into the treehouse – crowbar, lockpicks, screwdrivers, you know the drill. Let's get to work." His good mood returning, he favored his underlings with a satisfied smile. "Tomorrow, guys, we're gonna be rich!"

XXX

Numbuh 86 was pacing back and forth in Numbuh 5's office on KND Moonbase, as angry as the Soopreme Leader had ever seen her. The air around her was practically simmering.

"So", she snarled between clenched teeth, "I get word that Former Numbuh 12 has been spotted in Antarctica. I throw the entire Decommisioning Squad into a SCAMPER and fly down there. Turn out that the only operative I find there is Numbuh 13 who insist on coming along, because he knows where she is. I don't have time to argue, we take off and FIVE MINUTES later he stumbles and presses the "Blow up the engines" button. Numbuh 44 and 44 just manage to get us down safely – and then the dweeb tells me THAT IT WOULD BE BETTER IF HE TOOK OVER THE MISSION! GAAAH!" 86 slammed her fist against the wall of the office with a tremendously loud thump.

"Yes, well, he got better," Numbuh 5 sighed. "He's just filed a complaint against you for hitting a guy with glasses."

"HE CAN KISS MY PALE, IRISH –"

"ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT", Numbuh 5 shouted. Why did people insist on saying things she could never unhear?

"WHY don't I just DECOMMISION him, Soopreme Leader", 86 pleaded. "That stupid boy is a walking disaster area. There are adult villains out there who do less damage to the KND, and that's not even counting the Toilenator! PLEASE, let me decommission him. I'm begging you."

Numbuh 5 took off her cool shades and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "It ain't that simple, Numbuh 86," she sighed. "He is, as you say, a walking disaster area. And that is why we can't let him go. As long as he is a KND operative, I can place him where he does not do any harm … most of the time. If he is allowed to run free, there's no telling what he'll mess up … and when it'll hit us."

"Well, can't you place him somewhere else, then?" 86 said. "Me and the Decomissioning Squad are turning Antarctica upside down, looking for Numbuh 12 this weekend and I don't even want to be on the same CONTINENT as that stupid boy!"

"Numbuh 5 hears you, 86", the Soopreme Leader said. She got up and went over to the large map on the wall, where all the Kids Next Door activities and bases were marked. She thought for a moment. "I can send him up and guard Sector M's abandoned treehouse in the Gribwald Forest. He's not gonna disturb anyone there."

"Gribwald … Isn't that the treehouse Sector M stuffed so full of booby-traps, that they finally couldn't remember where they all were and had to leave?"

"…No, 86 – that's just a rumor."

"Pity."

* * *

><p><em>Well, the Gang is back - and this time up against Numbuh 13 and his unlimited capacity for disaster. Who will prevail? And of course there are the Booby - traps ...<em>

_As always, comments and reviews are very welcome - also on language and style._


	2. Chapter 2

~Chapter 2~

_Numbuh Thirteen's personal log, Saturday, 12.22 A.M._

_Finally the new Soopreme Leader has realized my true potential. I have been assigned a very secret and important mission to guard the old treehouse of Sector M in Gribwald Forest._

_I have just been dropped off at the treehouse. I still don't understand why I had to stay in a locked box the entire trip, but probably the Soopreme Leader wants to keep it extra secret that it's the KNDs top operative that have been assigned to the task._

_I have just left the box, after I heard the other operatives unlock the box, run away and take off, and I am now standing in the old hangar. _

_There's an old-design, partly disassembled SCAMPER at the back, and some garbage and a few oil drums along the walls, but otherwise everything seems to have been removed when Sector M left. There's a back entrance in one side of the hangar, and a door leading into the treehouse itself in the other. _

_It's a good thing Numbuh 5 has assigned her toughest operative to this task. I'm NOT scared at all the stories about this treehouse and why it was abandoned…like the one about the operative who fell through a forgotten trap door and was never found… but can still be heard scratching the walls and crying- or the experiment to create a race of super-hamsters that went horribly wrong…or that the whole thing is so full of booby-traps that no one who enters ever comes out again…_

_It sure is quiet here…_

_Maybe I'll start with a quick inspection of the perimeters. Yeah!_

_Numbuh Thirteen off._

XXX

"Wow," Barry gasped.

"I didn't know there could be so many trees in one place," Kyle said.

The O'Reilly had just gotten off the bus together with their classmates in front of Camp Gribwald and was staring, awestruck at the pine-clad mountainsides that seemed to be continuing forever in all directions. The very air itself seemed to be vaster and grander than back at Gallagher Elementary.

Camp Gribwald was a bunch of brown tree barracks next to a grassy field and a large teepee, complete with two totem poles. The grassy field ended at the bank of a river bend, where a small beach was just inviting kids to go for a swim.

If they didn't have bigger fish to fry, that is.

"I can't see a treehouse anywhere, Eggy" Kyle said nervously. "Do you think we can even find it?"

"Sure we can, Kyle. According to Jim, if we go a little bit into the forest to the east of the camp – that's over there", he pointed, "there's a small footpad, that lead directly to a side entrance to the abandoned treehouse. Let's get to work," He took a step forward.

Then a shadow fell over the gang. "Hello, friends," a cheerful voice chirped.

A tall, tanned blonde woman was standing in front of them. She was wearing a brown shirt and shorts and a benevolent and eager smile. She had the air of someone who has spent every day since she was five years old climbing trees, making beautiful things of birch wood, singing with birds, dancing with wolves and hugging bears and listening to the wisdom of wizened old natives. And who firmly believed that the world would be a better place if everybody were just like her.

She was trouble.

"I'm Miss Green, your camp counselor. Come with me so we can drop your stuff off in the sleeping barrack, we're having the welcoming ceremony in ten minutes."

"Sure, ma'am. We just – want to take a first look at the woods." Egbert improvised.

"Oh, there'll be plenty of time for that later. The welcoming ceremony is IMPORTANT. It's an ancient Native American custom that shakes people together so everybody can be friends. Come on, guys."

And then she ushered the gang towards the entrance to the camp, in a manner that, while friendly, natural and inclusive, brokered no argument whatsoever.

XXX

_Numbuh Thirteen's personal log, Saturday 2:34 PM_

_It was a good thing I was assigned this task, because clearly something sinister is afoot. While I was inspecting the perimeters of Sector M's old treehouse I let the treehouse out of my sight for a few minutes, and the next moment it was completely gone and the entire landscape had changed._

_I have now been searching for the treehouse for two hours and have found nothing, so it is clear that some very clever adult villains are behind this. I should report this development to headquarters, but my communicator got wet when I fell into a stream, and can now only say phbpyhpppssss._

_My plan is now to relocate to Camp Gribwald two miles away and borrow a phone there._

_Numbuh Thirteen out._


	3. Chapter 3

~Chapter 3~

"Man, this is hopeless," Barry sighed.

The O'Reilly gang was gathered over dinner in the camp mess hall, picking at some beef stew, that, for obscure adult reasons had cinnamon sticks in it. Their mood was glum.

All day they had tried to sneak away from the Camp to go hunt for the treehouse and the treasure and all their attempts had failed. Ms Green's long happy life in nature had apparently given her eyes like a hawk and a powerful sixth sense for boy sneakiness.

Whenever the gang tried to sneak away, while she was busy, she seemed to materialize out of thin air in front of them, ushering them back to wood-cutting or corn-gritting or whatever. Whenever one of the gang had asked to be excused, she had immediately engaged two of the others in some activity, keeping them there until the third member couldn't pull the bathroom visit any longer.

Finally, in desperation, Barry had tried to fake a sprained ankle, and asked in a weak voice if Eggy and Kyle could help him back to the camp. Ms. Green had felt his ankle a bit, declared that it was "fine, just a bit sore" and pulled out a jar with some weird herbal ointment she had smeared on his ankle, before tying some gauze around it. She claimed that the Cherokee swore to it, and indeed Barry had had a few choice words to say about the foul-smelling concoction as soon as Ms. Green was out of earshot.

In short, the obstacles between the O'Reilly Gang and the three thousand forgotten Yipper cards in Sector M's old treehouse, had grown to tremendous proportions over the afternoon. And the evening until bedtime would be occupied with Indian legends and stories in the big teepee by the river. The big teepee with only one, closely guarded exit.

"So, Eggy," Barry asked, "You got a plan."

Egbert didn't answer. He was staring down on his untouched beef stew as if it had personally offended him. Barry and Kyle send each other a worried look. When Egbert was in that mood, bad stuff tended to happen.

XXX

_Numbuh Thirteen's log, Saturday, 6:15 PM_

_The KND "Find your way" department is as incompetent as ever. They said that Camp Gribwald was only two miles away from the treehouse, and now I have been walking for four hours and passed the same rock three times and still the camp is not in sight. Boy, those guys are going to get yelled at when I get back._

_The terrain is extremely hostile, I have fallen into four brooks, torn my wrist on some brambles and been severely bitten by an ant. Fortunately, I am an expert survivalist, so I will now eat my emergency candy bar and then build a shelter, where I can spend the night._

_Numbuh thirteen out._

* * *

><p><em>A bit shorter than my usual updates, but this is also more of a leadover to the more action packed parts of the story.<em>

_I hope to be able to update more frequently in the future._

_As always, all comments and reviews are welcome_

_Best wishes_

_Ulathon_

_Update: I made a small change in that now Barry is the one woh fakes a sprained ankle instead of Eggy - this solves a problem later in the story._


	4. Chapter 4

~Chapter 4~

Barry was struggling desperately, but it was no use. The two big, spotty teenagers, who had grabbed him off the street and dragged him into the dark alley, were pinning him firmly against the damp brick wall. Their even bigger and dumber friend stood in front of him, leering menacingly and licking his right finger. He leaned forward and seized Barry's ear with this left hand, and…

"HEY!"

The three teenagers froze. Fanny Fullbright stepped out of the shadows a few yards away.

"Three against one, that's hardly fair." She smiled and cracked her knuckles. "On YOU, that is. Now, which one of you pizza-faced poop-heads is going down first?"

The teenagers released him and started backing away slowly. Fanny took a sudden step forward, and they turned and fled into the night.

Barry sighed with relief. "Thanks, Fanny," he smiled, "that was just in time."

Fanny walked up to him "Come on," she smiled. "Like I'd let some stupid teenagers mess with my BOYFRIEND." She seized the front of his jacket and pulled him closer, her green eyes playful, and puckered her lips for a smooch …

And then she started to shake him vigorously. "Barry," she hissed, in Eggy's voice. "Barry."

"Huh … what,… " Barry woke up and stared at the dark figure of Eggy, looming over him. "Eggy?"

"Quiet, you moron," Eggy hissed. "Get dressed, quickly." He turned around and started to shake Kyle in the neighbouring bunk.

"All right Eggy, what's going on," Barry said, as Kyle started to mutter and sit up in bed. "It's stonking dark outside, what time is it?" Barry was feeling unusually cranky about being woken up. He couldn't remember what he'd been dreaming, but he knew it had been a good dream.

"It's 10.45 and we're going out after the cards."

"What, now?"

"Yes, now! Ms. Green is sleeping, it's our only chance."

"Out there?" Kyle squeaked. "In the woods? No way!"

"What?" The dark silhouette of Egbert spun around and faced Kyle. "What did you say?"

"I said "No way"" Kyle said, unusually firmly. "It's dark out there … and there's bears and cougars and ghosts and … I'm not going."

"Yes, Eggy, this is crazy," Barry said. "Never mind the cougars, you want us to run around in a dark forest in the middle of the night? We'll get lost or sprain an ankle for real. Go back to bed."

"I DON'T BELIEVE THIS!" Somehow Eggy managed to whisper in capitals. "THERE'S THREE THOUSAND YIPPER CARDS OUT THERE, JUST FOR THE TAKING. We can get more candy than we've ever dreamed of, and you're just "Oh, it's dark, there's bears and cougars, we're tired, it's no use". But all right! You COWARDS can just stay here, while I go and collect the Yipper cards. But DON'T expect me to share with you!"

And then Egbert opened the window and slipped quietly into the night. A few moments later Kyle could see his flashlight move around between the trees.

"You … you think he'll be all right?" Kyle asked.

"Who cares," Barry muttered from his bunk. "Jerk."

XXX

_Numbuh Thirteen's personal log. 10.55 PM_

_Not only is the terrain hostile, the trees are the entirely wrong sort for building a shelter. I tried for four hours without success. Fortunately, my outdoor skills are great as ever, and I have found a cave to spend the night in instead. It's a bit dark and smelly and I can't see a thing, but I've found a nice warm furry boulder to sleep on._

_Wait a minute … boulders aren't furry …_

_They don't growl either…_

_Oh crud._

_Numbuh Thirteen out!_

XXX

Eggy was still furious as he was stomping through the dark forest, sweeping the ground in front of him with his flashlight looking for the path that would lead to the old treehouse. What a couple of sissies! Maybe when he got back to school and sold the Yipper Cards, he'd use the candy to recruit some better gang members, and Barry and Kyle could go suck eggs. Yeah! That'd show them.

Suddenly he froze. Was that … Oh, yes. There was the path, narrow but clear, leading through a small moonlit clearing in just the right direction. He cracked a triumphant smile, and took a step forward …

And then a dark figure came crashing out of the night, bowled him over and landed on top of him.

"AAAAAH," Egbert stared into the pale, panicky face of his assailant in the light. He got a short glimpse of horn-rimmed glasses, protruding teeth with braces and freckles under a saucepot helmet with the number "13" on it. Then the other boy jumped up, stomping painfully on his chest in the process, and sprinted out in the darkness again.

"YOU JERK!" Egbert screamed. He got up and shook a fist in the other boy's general direction. "I'LL GIVE YOU SOY SAUCE IN YOUR ROLL!"

Then suddenly, he felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. His intellect caught up with his instincts and told him that the "13" boy had been fleeing from something. Something that HE probably wouldn't like to meet either.

He was half way up the nearest tree, when the huge, angry cougar came crashing into the clearing.

* * *

><p><em>It is not good for a boy to be alone – neither for Barry nor Eggy it would seem. Will Egbert O'Reilly's career as a criminal mastermind come to an untimely end as a nighttime snack? Read on in the next chapter – but leave a review first.<em>

_I hope the dream sequence was all right and didn't get too confused. As I have hinted in earlier stories, Barry is beginning to develop a bit of a crush on Numbuh 86. This is going to be a plot point in my next story, if I get around to writing it._

_FYI the "Soy Sauce in Your Roll" comment is a pre-asskicking one liner from the classic Danish superhero parody "Brødrene Bisp" (the Bishop Brothers) from 1986 – two guys who, when evil was afoot, would dress up as bishops, complete with mithras, robes and staffs and drive to battle in their black Volvo Amazon (the coolest car ever produced in Scandinavia). To see the brothers and their Volvo in action, look for "voldsom volvo" on YouTube. (And yes, the concept is cribbed from Monty Python's "The Bishop" sketch - it's not only in fan fiction you should only steal from the best.)  
><em>


	5. Chapter 5

~Chapter 5~

Barry and Fanny were sitting in a small boat that was drifting slowly through the Tunnel of Love. The lights were low and there was soft violin music just audible over the splashing of the water. Everything was red, pink and romantic. They were smiling at each other. He gently placed his hand over hers, and she didn't pull hers away…

Suddenly there was a distant shout "Help…Help"

"What was that," Barry asked.

"That's Eggy," Fanny said. "He's in trouble. You should go save him."

"ME? Ain't YOU the butt-kicking KND operative here?"

"No, I'm not," Fanny sighed and leaned back in her seat. "You're dreaming, you stupid boy. I'm just your subconscious, trying to alert you to the fact that you have a humongous crush on Fanny Fullbright."

"WHAT? Get out of here!"

"Oh, puh-leeze," Subconcious-Fanny made a gesture encompassing herself and the whole pink and fluffy Tunnel of Love. "You've been dreaming sappy stuff like this every night for weeks now, you just never remember it when you wake up. And what about school? Every time you're in the yard, you scan it to see where Fanny is and follow her around with your eyes."

"Yes! Because I want to keep away from her. I've broken into her house, and hidden under her bed once, for crying out loud."

"You always sit as close to her as you dare in the cafeteria - and steal glances at her, when she's not looking."

"I. Need. To. Keep. An. Eye. On. Her"

"Oh, I bet you do," Subconscious-Fanny smirked and started to hum "Fanny and Barry sitting in a tree" under her breath.

"Okay, all right," Barry admitted, "Maybe I do like her… a little." He sighed. "But what's the use? She's like … a super-cool KND operative, who eats Teen Ninjas for breakfast, and I'm just … me."

"Gee, I dunno," Subconcious-Fanny said, "Maybe you should try talking to her at some point. But meanwhile, your friend Eggy needs you, so you gotta wake up." And then she reached over and pushed him out of the boat.

Barry fell, fell, fell … and landed in his bunk.

He lay for a minute and stared up in the bunk above him. Did he really have a crush on Fanny Fullbright? That was crazy … yet the more he thought about it, he knew it was true.

Then he became aware of the faint cries from the dark forest outside.

"Help! … Help!"

"Eggy," he whispered. "Oh, crud!"

XXX

Less than a minute later, Barry and Kyle were running as fast as they could through the moonlit forest toward Eggy's shouting. Suddenly the forest opened in front of them in a moonlit clearing. Eggy's shouts came from a tall sentinel on the othere side. Then they saw the dark four-legged shadow prowling under the tree and immediately threw themselves behind the nearest treetrunk.

"Tha – tha – that's a co-co-co .." Kyle stuttered and started to shake.

Barry put his hand over Kyle's mouth. "Quiet," he hissed, trying to calm his own frantic breathing. His mind was racing; how the CRUD could they get rid of that cat?

His ankle felt stuck in something; Ms Greens bandage with the Native ointment had come loose and snagged around a branch. Annoyed he reached down and ripped it off, caught a whiff of the horrible smell … and froze as an idea popped up in his mind.

He quickly rubbed some extra ointment on the bandage, curled it up to a ball and threw it into the clearing in front of the cougar.

Barry and Kyle watched with barred breath, as the dark silhouette of the cat dabbed closer and sniffed.

Then it recoiled with a violent sneeze and bolted into the night.

Barry and Kyle waited for a minute. Then they slowly advanced over to the tall tree where Egbert was hiding.

"All right, Eggy," Barry shouted up towards the dark tree. "You can come down now, the cougar's gone."

There was a short silence. Then Egbert's voice came down from somewhere above them.

"Guys," he said shakily "I'm sorry. Can you forgive me?"

"What?" Barry and Kyle looked at each other. That didn't sound like Eggy at all.

"You just saved my life," Eggy's voice broke. It sounded like he was doing his best not to cry. "And I was such a jerk! I called you cowards … and sissies … and idiots … and you're not… 'cause you're my friends …you're brave.. and loyal … and smart …and …and.."

"Come on, Eggy, that's not true," Kyle said slowly. "I'm a complete coward."

"Yeah," Barry said. He too was getting a bit worried about their leader's sanity, "And I can be a real jerk sometimes too."

"NO, YOU CAN'T"

"Yes, I can!"

"Oh … all right," it came a bit hesitantly from the sentinel. "But I'm still a huge dumbass!"

"No, you're not, Eggy. You're the one with all the brilliant plans, remember?" Barry flattered. "Say, why don't you come on down, then we'll go pick up the tools and go find that treehouse and get the Yipper cards. What do you say?"

There was another silence. Then there was movement up in the sentinel, and suddenly Eggy separated from the shadows and jumped down on the ground in front of them.

"All right, guys," he said, strangled a sniffle and gave a smile, "I think I've found the path to the treehouse over there. Let's get to work."

XXX

_Numbuh Thirteen's log, 11:15 PM_

_Once again my amazing tracking abilities have shown their worth. Having boldly escaped the ferocious cougar I was attacked by a teenager while sneaking through the wood, so I am clearly close to the missing treehouse. I managed to subdue him, but I can see flashlights among the trees, so they're obviously searching for me. I have hidden in a large tree and will stay here until … ooh …ooooh …falling now .. _

_CRACK_

_CRUNCH_

THUD

_… __On second thought … I think I will stay on the ground … and rest for a while…yeah…_

_Numbuh Thirteen out._

* * *

><p><em>Whew, Eggy got off the hook - but what awaits in the old treehouse? And will they see Numbuh 13 again?<em>

_It took a while to get this chapter done, I have been more busy than usual the last couple of months, renovating an old house. On the other hand I have managed to work out a few issues with the rest of the story, so it all evens out I guess._

_I'm more comfortable with writing dialogue than descriptions of scenery. I hope it is possible to get a picture of the setting anyway. If not, do let me know, as well as if you have anything else to say about this chapter, good or bad._

_Wish you a nice summer_

_Ulathon_


	6. Chapter 6

"Wow" Barry breathed.

The gang had just come out of the woods into the small clearing in front of Sector M's abandoned treehouse. In the moonlight the tall structure, built around an unnaturally large sentinel and supported by a rocky hillside looked unearthly – less like a happy place for children and more like the haunted castle in a horror movie, the hangar to the right a gaping maw, ready to swallow unwary travelers whole.

"Right," Egbert said, pulled out his map and checked it under the torchlight. "The side entrance should be over to the right," he looked up. "Yes. Look over there. There are stairs up against the hillside. Let's get to work!"

"But … but what if there's someone in there," Kyle squeaked.

"Don't be daft, Kyle. It hasn't been used in years, there's no one in there."

"Except the ghooosts," Barry moaned and put his torchlight under his chin, to make his face look like a skull. Kyle yelped.

"Oh, shut up, Barry," Egbert snapped "Come on!"

XXX

A few moments later, the gang were shining their torches around in the hangar of the treehouse.

"Hey, there's a SCAMPER," Barry said. "I wonder if it still works."

"What's been in this box?" Kyle wondered, shining his torch on a kid sized box standing next to the wall. It had soft lining, air holes and a sign saying DO NOT OPEN UNTIL DESTINATION REACHED! (I REALLY, REALLY MEAN IT) on the side.

"Focus, people" Egbert said, and examined the map in his torchlight. "The evidence room is down that hallway, fourth door on the left. Come on."

The gang snuck down a hallway and found the fourth door on the right. It was clear that there was something important behind it – it was a massive wooden door, with a huge doorknob, and a lock that looked like a regular lock that had been "improved" by a couple of KND science geeks on a sugar rush.

"All right, Barry, your turn."

"On it, Eggy" Barry pulled out his lockpicks, knelt down in front of the lock and started working.

For about a minute, the only sound was the scraping of metal on metal, as Barry's lockpick probed around inside the weird KND lock.

And then …

BANG!

Kyle and Egbert jumped back as the doorknob exploded.

When they looked again, Barry was sitting, frozen, in front of the lock, his face covered with red paint. As they watched, there was a small, teasing pling and a small mirror jumped out from the lock, showing the unfortunate lockpicker what had happened.

Barry jumped up "RIGHT" he snapped. "NO MORE Mister nice guy. Give me the crowbar, Kyle!"

XXX

_Numbuh Thirteen's personal log 12:10 AM_

_I have managed to locate the stolen treehouse by following the torchlight of the teens. Currently I am hiding in the bushes outside the house next to the hangar. I can't hear anything, so they seem to have gone further into the house. My plan is to sneak in and get my spare communicator and report back to Moonbase and get them to send reinforcements. _

_As soon as I get free of these … cruddy! … brambles!…OUCH!_

_Numbuh Thirteen out_

XXX

"GAH!" Barry and Kyle tumbled to the floor after the crowbar they were both pulling slipped out of the crack between door and frame - again.

"It isn't WORKING, Barry!" Egbert, who was holding the torch, hissed, annoyed.

"It'll work, Eggy," Barry said, "We just need…, " his eyes fell on a stick in the shadows by the opposite wall. "Kyle, grab that stick over there. We can use it as a second crowbar."

Kyle trudged over and grabbed the stick. It seemed to be stuck, so he automatically gave it a tug, and it flipped over with a small "click".

"What?"

The three boys stared. Kyle shone his light on the weird stick, except it wasn't really a stick. It was stuck in the floor, and looked more like some kind of lever. The he noted a piece of paper on the wall behind the lever.

"Umm … Guys?"

Puzzled, Egbert and Barry came over and the three boys read:

IN CASE OF LOCK MALFUNCTION

PULL THIS LEVER

AND RUN!

RUN! had three lines under it.

In the stunned silence that followed the boys suddenly became aware of a distant scraping sound. It came from somewhere above the lever. Slowly they raised their torches and lit up a round hole, about a foot in diameter, it's upper edge a few inches below the ceiling of the corridor. The scraping sound came from the hole, which appeared to be the end of some kind of chute. It was getting gradually louder. The boys stood on their toes and shone their flashlights up the chute. And then they saw what made the sound.

A ginormous ice-cream missile was rapidly sliding down the chute towards the door.

And them.

"FUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE!"

* * *

><p><em>Ouchie - do not meddle in the affairs of KND Science Geeks for they don't know the word "subtle"<em>

_Will our heroes escape certain fatal ice cream headache. Read on in chapter 7_

_But do review first :-)_

_Ulathon_


	7. Chapter 7

~Chapter 7~

Five seconds after the O'Reilly gang had started their panicky run down the corridor there was a tremendous "WHOUMP" behind them and Egbert, Barry and Kyle were swept off their feet like bowling pins by a cold, chocolate-flavored shockwave.

They lay motionless on the floor for a minute then Egbert got to his feet and shone his flashlight down the corridor.

"Cruddy KND Science Geeks," Barry muttered beside him, sat up and wiped dust and ice-cream stains off his clothes. "A cruddy missile just to …" he broke off.

"…open a door!" Egbert finished for him.

Egbert and Barry hurried back to the storage room. The massive door was smashed to pieces and instead there was a gaping hole, dripping with brownish goop.

"YAY!" Barry jumped and pumped a fist in the air. "Yipper cards, here we come, ready or not! Come on, Kyle … Kyle?"

Kyle was still sitting on the floor where he had fallen a moment before. The two boys ran back and shone a light on their friend. Kyle didn't even blink; he just stared emptily at some point in the distance.

"Kyle…Hey, Kyle, wake up," Barry said and waved a hand in front of Kyle's face. No reaction.

"He must be having some kind of shellshock," Egbert said. "It'll wear off. Come on, let's get him up."

Barry and Egbert grabbed one of Kyle's arms each, helped him on his feet and led him with them through the broken door and into the large storage room, filled with shelves with weird contraptions, boxes and bags. They started searching the shelves, Barry still holding the hand of Kyle, who was still not responding or reacting to his surroundings, but let himself be led around.

After a few minutes of searching, Egbert gave a shout, and Barry ran over to where he was standing, holding a large black shoulder bag. The gang leader was smiling from ear to ear.

Without a word, he pulled the flaps of the bag apart.

"Holy cow," Barry whispered reverently. The light from his torch shone down on bundle after bundle of pristine Yipper Cards. Barry reached down and grabbed a bundle. "Look at this, Eggy … this is card number seventy-eight, and…" He quickly flipped through the cards "… there's a whole bundle of them… We're gonna get more candy than Cap'n STCKYBEARD can DREAM about for this!"

Then came a loud CRASH from the corridor.

Egbert and Barry spun around and saw the flickering light out in the corridor. They quickly killed their flashlights and pulled Kyle with them into a dark corner between two shelves

A grotesque figure appeared in the door. It moved as if it had been put together by not-quite fitting parts and its head was oddly large, square and misshapen. The figure started moving slowly down the aisle, as if searching for something - or someone. Egbert and Barry held their breaths as the figure came closer and closer. It passed by them less than two feet away, and Egbert recognized the weird boy who had toppled him over out in the woods earlier.

Maybe the recognition made him make a noise or maybe some weird instinct kicked in. Suddenly the boy stiffened, then slowly spun around. His flashlight shone on them and Egbert and Barry felt their guts turn to water as they were ca

And then Kyle snapped. He jumped forward, let out a blood-curdling scream: "AAAAAHHHH! MWAAAAA! AGAGAGAGAAA!" pulled the most horrible faces and waved his arms like a madman.

"AAAAHHHH" Saucepan- boy screamed, dropped the torch and sprinted out of the door.


	8. Chapter 8

~Chapter 8~

_Numbuh Thirteens log, 12:45 PM_

_AAAAHHHH! GHOOOOOOSTS! The place is haunted! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! I'm getting out of here NOW! Does that SCAMPER still work! Oh let it work, let it work let it WOOOORK!_

_XXX_

"That got rid of him, " Barry said and slapped Kyle on his shoulder, "Quick thinking, Kyle."

"Huh … what," Kyle blinked. "What's going on? Where are we?"

"Never mind that," Egbert said, "We gotta get out of here, that idiot might have friends around. Come on."

The gang ran out of the room and down the corridor, back towards the hangar and the side exit and had just come out into the hangar when the old SCAMPER came roaring from the back straight towards them. They jumped back and flattened themselves on the wall as the SCAMPER veered left and crashed into a stack of oil barrels, before coming to a screeching halt along the opposite wall.

The door to the SCAMPER opened and saucepan-boy groggily stepped out, eyes spinning behind his big glasses. He took a couple of shaky steps, before he noticed the gang, then he yelped, ran away past the scattered barrels and disappeared out the side exit.

For a minute the gang just stared after him. Then they noted the rapidly growing lake of fuel spreading out in all directions from the overturned oil barrels, rapidly approaching the SCAMPERs hot engines…

"NO!" Egbert screamed, just before the fuel ignited. A second later the floor between the gang and the exit was covered in flames.

"I WANT MY MOMMY!" Kyle screamed.

"WHAT NOW EGGY?" Barry shouted.

Egbert looked around frantically, then noticed that there was still a free path to the SCAMPER. "QUICK" he pointed: "THE SCAMPER!"

The gang ran over to the SCAMPER, jumped into the seats and frantically buckled up, trying to ignore the heat and the flames rising right behind the vehicle.

"All right! Hold on to your Rainbow Monkeys!" Barry shouted and floored the speeder. The SCAMPER jumped forward with a jolt that pressed them back in their seats and roared out of the burning hangar like every action movie ever made rolled into one.

"YEEE-HAAA" Barry screamed triumphant, "IN YOUR FACE, KIDS NEXT DORKS!" … and then the SCAMPER crashed into the treetops thrashing through the dark branches at tremendous speed being rocked back and forth with enormous bangs and shakes every time it hit a branch. The windshield exploded with a tremendous CRASH, showering the boys in shards and pine needles.

"AAAAHHHH. I KNEW IT WOULD GO WRONG! I KNEW IT!" Kyle screamed.

"GET US ABOVE THE TREES, YOU NUTJOB," Egbert screamed to Barry.

"I CAN'T, EGGY," Barry screamed back. "THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE STEARING. OH CRUUUUD!"

Suddenly the noise disappeared as the SCAMPER burst out of the trees and soared over a moonlit plateau covered in bushes instead. The three gang members sighed with relief.

Then they saw that the plateau ended in a sheer grey cliff side, rising right in front of the SCAMPER and rapidly filling the entire broken windshield.

"ABANDON SHIP!" Barry screamed and the three boys unbuckled and jumped out the SCAMPER, aiming for some bushes that looked moderately softer than the ground. Four seconds after the gang hit the bushes the SCAMPER hit the cliff side and exploded.

After the burning fireball that had once been a KND SCAMPER had crashed to the ground, quiet descended over the plateau. Egbert lay on his back among the bushes and slowly realized that he was too sore and tired to be dead. He slowly looked around the thick bushes. He estimated that they were far away from the treehouse, judging by the distance to the thick dark plume of smoke he could see far behind the trees rising towards the starry sky.

"Are you OK, guys?" he asked.

"Yeah," Barry's voice came from somewhere to the left.

"I … I think so," Kyle muttered from somewhere.

"Good," Egbert said. "Now I have some good news and some bad news …"

"I knew it!" Kyle moaned. "You left the cards in the SCAMPER, right?"

"No, no, I still have the cards," Egbert said, "that was the good news."

"Then what's the bad news?"

"The bad news," Egbert sighed. "I'm pretty sure these bushes are poison ivy."

* * *

><p><em>WHEW. Bet you thought they lost the bag. Looks like the O'Reilly Gang has finally made it big. Or have they ... <em>

_Action sequences really doesn't come easily to me, so I hope it is clear what is going on. If not, please drop a line and let me know, as well as what other comments you might have._


	9. Epilogue 1 - Numbuh Thirteen and the KND

~Epilogue 1 - Numbuh Thirteen and the KND~

Numbuh 86 looked up from the report the Soopreme Leader had just handed her and stared at Numbuh Five. She had turned slightly pale under her freckles.

"He burned the treehouse down?" she asked, incredulously.

"Yeah", Numbuh Five nodded grimly.

"He got lost in the woods for ten hours, came back, immediately set the place on fire, trashed a SCAMPER and got himself lost again … and ," Numbuh 86 stared down at the report to be sure she had red that last part correctly, "He claims that it was GHOSTS who did all this?"

"Uh-huh," Numbuh Five confirmed.

Numbuh 86's mouth opened and closed a few times, but this was a time where even she was completely speechless.

"He is down in medlab at the moment, for recovery and observation." Numbuh Five said, as she took the report back. "Or rather he was, 'cause after he'd broken the third Expensive medical Beep-Beeb Thingmabob, they had him sedated and tied to the bed." The Soopreme Leader looked firmly at her second-in-command. "86, I want you to put together a team of your best kids. You are to take Numbuh Thirteen, bring him back to Antarctica and make sure that he STAYS there this time! Use whatever means necessary. As soon as you're done give me a call, 'cause noone is safe until he's gone. Good luck to you all."

86 tensed up "Thank you, ma'am. We won't fail you." She swiftly saluted and left the room.

Numbuh Five sagged back in her chair, took off her cool shades and hid her face in her hands. It was things like this that made her actually look forward to decommissioning.


	10. Epilogue 2 - The Gang and the Nerd Clan

~Epilogue 2 - The O'Reilly Gang and the Nerd Clan~

"So," Dave the Lead Nerd said, not taking his glazed eyes from Dr. Time Space and the Continuums on the TV screen, "do you want to trade something?"

Barry and Kyle tensed up. This was the moment the O'Reilly gang had been working towards for over a week. Dealing with the Nerd clans was tricky. Nerds were ruled by highly complicated rules and customs dating back to the ancient times times of pulp science fiction and radio serials. One false step, such as confusing Doctor Time Space and the Continuums with Tracey, the Werewolf Hunter or voicing a positive opinion about Energy Lass' new costume, and all chances of a deal was off forever.

It had taken Egbert a week of hard work and pulling of a few contacts from detention to get an appointment set up with Dave and his friends, and the gang had spent hours and hours locked up in the lair, memorising anime trivia. Then, they had shown up at Dave's house at the agreed time with the traditional gifts of cola and chips (Salt and Vinegar in honor of Doctor Time Space's British origin) and made it through a discussion of Galaxy Quest and five episodes of Doctor Time Space without any missteps. And now, finally, the critical moment they had been waiting for had come.

"Yipper cards," Egbert smiled. "New, rare, never-played Yipper cards – as many as you like. Show him the merchandise, Kyle."

Kyle nervously pulled a handful of cards out of his pocket and tried to find a free spot on the old table between the worn-out sofa they were sitting in and the television set, but every inch of the table was filled with stuff: soda cans, chips, old pizza trays, role playing character sheets, comics... He quickly laid down the cards on a comic book in front of the Lead Nerd, but in his eagerness managed to overturn a can of Jolt cola, so the sticky black liquid ran out over some of the cards.

"Kyle, you klutz!" Egbert snapped, grabbed a tissue and tried to wipe one of the cards clean. But it was too late. The boys watched in horror as the front of the card peeled off where Egbert rubbed it.

"What the …"

Egbert grabbed another cola-soaked card and rubbed it. Again the front easily peeled off.

"Oooh NO!" he moaned and fell back in the old sofa. "They're fakes!"

"WHAT!" Barry shouted, grabbed the remaining Yipper cards from the table and stared at them in the dim light from the TV screen.

"Fakes?" the Lead Nerd said.

"They're all fakes! That's why Sector M left them in the treehouse. They're worthless."

"Fakes …" Another nerd sitting next to the couch echoed.

"Aww, SPACEPUPPIES!" Barry swore, threw down the cards and hid his face in his hands. "All that trouble - for zilch!"

"Faakes …. Faakes …"

"Umm, guys?" Kyle said squeakily and pointed at the nerds with a trembling finger.

Egbert and Barry looked up. The Lead Nerd and his clan fellows were one after one rising from the sofa and the floor. Their eyes had gone from glazed to opaque and their skin color suddenly seemed even paler and clammier. Slowly, they started shuffling towards Egbert, Barry and Kyle, grasping hands outstretched.

"Faaaakes … faaakes…." they moaned.

"Erm, look guys," Egbert said, as he and the gang got up and slowly backed away from the nerd zombies. "We didn't know they were fakes. We're just as disappointed as you are. Honest. There's no need to …"

"Faaakes … faaaakes …"

"Oh, crudonastick! RUN!"

-THE END-

* * *

><p><em>And here we leave the O'Reilly Gang as they run away from the horde of nerd zombies. They didn't make it big this time either, but don't worry - Eggy will come up with another brilliant plan, and this time nothing can go wrong. For reals ...<br>_

_It might take a little while, though. I need to work a bit more on my ideas for the next story and I have some other stories that I want to get out as well. But if I can get it to work, the O'reilly Gang will turn up again.  
><em>

_I hope you've enjoyed the story. A big thanks to my faithfull readers and reviewers.  
><em>

_Kids Next Door rules!_

_Ulathon._


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